Pregnancy Rants

Lies They Tell Pregnant Women

There’s a lie about pregnancy that has been promoted for generations. It’s something that has been made worse by movies and TV shows that portrayed this lie.

That lie is called, “Morning Sickness.”

Let me tell you about Morning Sickness. I would very much like to sue whoever coined this term as it is grossly inaccurate and gives false hope to hapless pregnant women.

There is nothing “morning” about it. It will plague you from the moment you wake up until the sun goes down at night, and even while you are sleeping. Yes. While you are sleeping. Vile liquid will spring forth from your gurgling stomach and you will wake up in a pool of last night’s dinner.

You know all those movies where pregnant women are shown running to the sink and just make hurling sounds then cover their mouth looking horrified?

Those are very misleading.

They make you believe that it is possible to have morning sickness while keeping the rest of the area visible on cam clean. You’re given the hope that the small off-cam space, which presumably is a standard-sized sink, is enough to contain your expelled food.

The truth is food will be expelled from your mouth with so much ferocity that it wouldn’t even be possible to make it to the sink without defiling the rest of the room. The hurling sounds are also not always true. Sometimes all you have to do is open your mouth and vomit will fly right out like water from a fireman’s hose.

The only accurate TV/Film depiction of morning sickness that I can think of is that vomit scene in The Exorcist (1973). Most likely you’ll also look like that from exhaustion and pain. Prepare to clean because there will be vomit on the walls, on the floor, on the sink, on the toilet, in bed, and pretty much everywhere else.

Now that I’ve terrified you enough, some of you may ask how I lived long enough to write this post. Well here are a few things that helped:

1. Small frequent meals – This will be tough. If you eat too much, you will get more acidic and will have more to throw up. If you don’t eat for a long time, you will get more acidic and you will still throw up only it will hurt like hell because you will have nothing to expel.

2. Avoid good food – Haha. Avoid oily food, chocolate, caffeine, fizzy drinks, citrus fruits, alcohol, etc. Anything that makes you happy is probably going to make you more acidic, hence you will throw up more. Believe me, I tried them all.

3. Antacids – This works only as a temporary relief. In my experience maybe 30 minutes tops. Consult your doctor first but mostly just take this if you need to pull yourself together for half an hour for a meeting or whatever.

4. Don’t drink lots of water –What?! I’m kidding. Water is good. Just don’t drink a lot of it eat during meals. Drink water in between meals.

Please take note that these things just helped. They did not eliminate the morning sickness. They just helped me survive until my 13th week of pregnancy. On my 13th week, all the hurling just magically stopped. If you’re going through this as well, just hang in there and try to survive.

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